Double Standards In Dating

Double Standards.

When it comes to dating there are tons of them. I will cut through the proverbial crap, and just get down to the nitty gritty. Here are four double standards that are not so obvious:

1- When a relationship breaks up men are seen as jerks, women are seen as victims.

2- Men will cheat, women have control.

3- When a man asks a question, he is concerned about his woman. If a woman does, she’s considering to be nagging.

4- Women are always seen as victims when it comes to domestic disputes and men are always seen as the attackers.

The one double standard that is the obvious one is that older men can date younger women with no problem, whereas, older women who date younger men are seen as “rocking the cradle,” and are also called “Cougars.”

I did a study on Twitter recently and 84% of people surveyed said that a woman should be able to date a younger man. And a woman should be able to do so without having judgement passed.  We need to stop this double standard stuff when it comes to dating and just remember one thing: Dating is supposed to be fun, its supposed to lead people together so they can form relationships. And if that means a girl dates a younger guy, so be it. Who are we to judge women and their relationships?

Older women look more appealing to younger guys for a variety of reasons. There is the fact that older women will not play love games and know exactly what they want. Some of them may not want the family, and all that goes with the picket fence, but as a woman’s biological clock ticks even louder, that idea may change. Younger men often find older women more interesting, experimental, fun to talk to, financially settled, and more adept sexually. As one guy in his twenties told me, “I guess it could be nice to not hang around a ditz with no knowledge of life, music, or something like that.”

Age doesn’t always determine maturity. There are men in their twenties that can give any man in their forties a run for his money. Maturity has nothing to do with age but it is the actions & behaviors that you display during adverse situations that do.

A twenty-eight year old guy told me flat out what attracts him to older women: “The experiences in life they’ve had make them more grounded and realistic. I have a preference for women starting at about ten years older than myself and up. It’s adventurous for both of us, because it is a wild and new exciting journey. Younger women just don’t let me grow in the ways older women do.” He added, “You have 30, 40, and 50 year old women today who look like they are 25, and you can’t even tell the difference!”

So what does a woman have to do in order to date a younger man? Are the rules different? And what are advantages for a young guy to date an older woman?

In order to date a younger man, a woman must first attract a younger man into her life. How does that happen? The answer is simple. Be open to the possibility. You don’t have to change how you dress. You don’t have to scout the college bars. Just live your life, and watch what happens. Trust me on this one.

The younger person gets an experienced partner who is often better established in the world. The “senior partner” may also have more money, perhaps, even, a more interesting life. The older person, for her part, gets a higher-energy partner who is likely to help the couple stay fit, quite likely, more sexually active.

Younger men come from a different generation. Therefore, they perceive the world differently than their older counterparts. They grew up with working moms. They respect and admire powerful women. Whereas older men have been taught to see women as accessories to their lives, younger guys see women as equals. (Not all younger guys, but 95% of them) Since younger men accept female empowerment as the norm, that principle transfers into equal partnership. Chances are he’ll be more adventurous than you’re used to. He may challenge your ideals. He’s apt to push you to open your thinking to a new perspective.

What attracts a younger man to an older women, is the lack of games. So, if your default is to pullout the known “this-always-works trick,” forget it. He lacks the polish his older counterparts possess in countering your moves. You’ll be forced to be real. Honesty is the best communication policy here. And, that’s a very good thing. Who really has time to play games anyway? This is the part where older guys can learn a thing or two from the younger guys. No woman wants to play games and no woman has time to play games.

A older woman will also force him to grow up and act more mature. As the older woman you will open the door to a new vision of life for him. You will have experienced things that he may not have yet had the chance to or you may have great advice to offer him for decisions he will have to make. But be prepared because he may have a completely different world view. You will be forced to see things differently, and learn new things. But I find that is more positive than negative. By the way, we always hear that older men are better in bed. Personally, I think it’s just a rumor… started by older men. They may have been with more partners, but being with more partners doesn’t mean that you are “better” than your young counterparts. And younger guys may be more willing to try new things than to just go through the motions as older guys tend to do. 

 

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2020 On Social Media Is Going To Be Brutal

 

If you haven’t guessed where I am going with this yet, then maybe you really are hiding under a rock. I am talking about the dreaded Presidential Election in 2020.   If talking and reading about politics hasn’t killed you yet, don’t worry, it will in a year and a half.

You will have nut jobs from both sides of the isle arguing back and forth and forth and back on why we should vote for ……. and not for ………

So this is my plea to all those crazies who JUST love to talk politics: For the love of everything that is holy, please, don’t make social media even worse than it is now!

Social media was developed for 3 reasons: 1) To keep in touch with family and friends. (Yes, I want to see those pictures of kids I once taught, kids that I know and cute cat videos!)  2) To network. This is the most important thing for any business man or woman to do if they want to succeed in their business. Entrepreneurship is all about connecting with not only customers or clients, it’s about people in the same industry as you are. It’s also reaching out to those who aren’t to see if they can support you in any way possible.  And finally, 3) To build up the community.  This is what we really should be doing instead of tearing each other down and building up hate.  There is more hate and negativity on social media than I have ever seen the eleven years I have been a social media guru.  Literally, people will argue over the dumbest things!

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Are we really becoming that cynical?  We should be banning together, like everyone did after 9/11. Remember that moment? Remember how we all hung the American Flag from our homes and cars, everyone held open doors, was polite, compassionate, and showed what the American Spirit TRULY was- One of the worst days in U.S. history brought out the best in  ALL of us.  And for those who weren’t born then, read this:  http://bit.ly/2wuliw4 

We need to go back to HOW we were back then. We need to STOP bashing each other on social media. Instead we need to use social media for the greater good.  Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion whether or not you agree with that opinion, ( remember that while you are trolling Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, okay?)

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How about we all cool off and go back to posting pictures of food, rainbows, unicorns, and cats? You know, the way Facebook use to be BEFORE people decided to use it as a platform to bicker with each other who don’t agree with their point of view. If you want to have a political conversation, why don’t you do it the old fashioned way: in person?  This way there are no “misunderstandings,” while I read your post on why I need to vote for_________. Oh, you weren’t being serious, only sarcastic?  Oh, you meant that as a joke? Oh, you were trying to tell me how important this issue means to you but at the same time you keep posting pictures in the opposition? People can’t read emotions on social media.

It’s one thing for people to talk about freedom of speech, but it’s another to to be a hypocrite in the same sentence.  Freedom of speech doesn’t work when someone ONLY agrees with you. It works even when someone doesn’t agree with you. Remember that, okay?

You’re not going to change someone’s beliefs on social media. You can argue until the cows come home or pigs fly, but you’re just wasting your time. People are different and believe different things. Accept it and move on. Life’s too short.

Let your vote be your voice.

 

The top 5 online dating safety tips for women

The dating scene these days just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be!  People today have for some reason, given up on meeting people in person, which is the best bet for a long, lasting relationship, and have head to online dating sites and apps instead. Now, when it was first created, online dating was a fun new avenue for a woman on the prowl.  But, now it’s a dangerous place filled with cheaters, scammers, criminals, and guys that just want to hook up.  It’s not easy to find a lasting relationship when you are searching through thousands of profiles.  Even though you are sitting at home in your PJ’s hiding behind a keyboard, you need to still be careful of whom and who you eventually decide to meet. Here are some straightforward tips to do just that!

1. Only arrange a meeting with someone you have been getting to know for a while now. If you feel that you are at the point where you want to meet someone, always meet them in a public place, away from your home and be sure to tell someone where you are going.
2. Do not tell him where you live. Never give out your address, until you feel safe to do so. This should be after a few dates. Once they know where you live, there is no going back.
3. Do not accept a ride on the first date. Use your own method of transportation. Even if they seem like a great guy, you should not get in a car with them. Especially if you are alone with them and not out on a group date.
4.  Do not go to any secluded areas. Even if you want to be alone, remember that you are on a date with someone you have no idea about. Yeah he tells you what he does for a living and blah.. blah… blah.. , but how do you really know? Give yourself a chance to really get to know  him out before you take his word for everything and before he takes you to his parents house on the beach.
5. Pay attention to your gut feeling. You don’t want to be kicking yourself later on if you didn’t listen to it when it told you that this guy was no good, and now you are stuck in a big complete mess.  This is hard to do because people tend to fall in love with a profile, not a person online and your intuition may be foggy because of it.

the bottom line for being safe on any online dating site or app is this:

Let someone know you’re going out with someone new, tell them where you’re going, and set a time for them to check in on you and make sure you’re okay.  You should never feel bad for putting your safety first, even if it means you have to do something that feels rude.

Traditional Dating vs Online Dating

Traditional dating is quite simple; it is going out to a social event, (Bar, community gathering, library, coffee shop, sporting event, etc,) and meeting people. While you are out, your eye catches someone who tickles your fancy and you make your way over there to start a conversation. While conversing, you decide to give this person your phone number. You both start talking and then one day decide to go out on a date. That is what traditional dating is all about. Make no mistake, meeting people offline is better than meeting them online. Today, people have given up on traditional dating. It’s work. It’s effort. People want that quick relationship and that quick date. And if they get into a situation, they just are a click away from replacing them instead of working things out.

The first thing you see online is someone’s profile picture and dating profile. Not only can they post fake pictures, there have been people who post pictures of what they looked like five years ago! They also can tell you they love life when in fact they complain about just about everything. When you meet someone in person, they can’t pretend they don’t really look like that. There’s no fake picture or who they truly are. You can’t read body language through the computer.

Any site that “claims” to be able to match you to your perfect mate if you fill out all 60 questions, is a hoax. There is NO scientific evidence that backs up these algorithms. If they claim that their scientific algorithms work, why do you need to spend 9 -12 months to find someone with whom you should totally click with right away?

When it comes to love it seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry. First there is a lust, then an attraction, then love. If we get down to the science, attraction happens in the first 30 seconds. You can’t do that online. Dating online is totally different. Two Words: Choice Overload. Not only are there way too many people on these sites, but you would have to have gone out on 100 dates before you actually have chosen your “perfect match.” Now seriously who has time to not only read through all those profiles, but who has actually gone out with 100 people they have met online?

When you go on a search for love, you are looking to settle. But when you let love find you and unexpectedly, you find the person who is meant for you. Online dating is good for one thing, banging and the quick fix while going out and meeting people the traditional way is for those who want the real thing and refuse to settle. You have to show people you are emotionally available to connect and online you can’t feel or see that connection at all. Not only do you connect emotionally faster in person, but pheromones are known to be involved in sexual attraction and during the most fertile time in her menstrual cycle, a woman gives off a different scent which may make her more attractive to potential male suitors. How can you do that online?

We use Yelp to check which restaurant to go to. Pick movies using another app. We are so anxious to control the outcomes that we are unable to take any real risks. We don’t see Andrew or Andrea as people on dating sites, we see Andrew or Andrea, the 70% perfect match. We don’t see them as people, we see them as objects.

A 2015 study found that positive personality traits actually increase perceived facial attractiveness. So if you are just basing your choice on looks, you maybe choosing in correctly. When you find someone to date traditionally, you already can see or get a glimpse of that person’s personality while online you are only going by what they are telling you.

When you meet people traditionally, you typically see them in a social context, such as how they interact with workmates, friends and family members. Online is made of words and images.

Researchers estimate that 25% of rapists found people to assault through online dating services and being scammed in person is less likely than online. Online dating is great if you want a casual fling, but not for anything longer lasting because there are so many dishonest people seeking cheap thrills. If a situation arises, you can split fast and a click here or there, you have your next fling. Marriage is down 50% because everyone is falling for the, “Your perfect match can be found on this website,” crap.

Traditional dating allows you to learn about your partner slowly over time, preserving an element of mystery and making future discoveries more meaningful. You don’t have to physically meet the individual until you are completely comfortable and secure in your interactions, which can go on for months or even years. All that time you “try” and get to know someone online, you could be actually physically getting to know someone you met in person.

One downside to Internet dating has to do with one of its defining characteristics: the profile. In the real world, it takes days or even weeks for the mating dance to unfold, as people learn each others likes and dislikes and stumble through the awkward but often rewarding process of finding common ground.
Online, that process is telescoped and front-loaded, packaged into a neat little digital profile, usually with an equally artificial video attached.
This means that people may unknowingly skip over potential mates for the wrong reasons. The person you see on paper doesn’t translate neatly to a real, live human being, and there’s no predicting or accounting for the chemistry you might feel with a person whose online profile was the opposite of what you thought you wanted. Offline, that kind of attraction would spark organically.  Also, traditional dating has something so important that online dating doesn’t: The use of one’s intuition.

When you meet a creep or a jerk, your intuition goes off and let’s you know- there’s body language that you are reading and your intuition let’s you know. Whereas online, while we are talking to someone using these sites, we create this image of who we believe these people are like, creating a false pretense and not being able to “weed out” the creeps, jerks, and losers we would have not even given the time of day in person.   So, when you finally meet the online person in person, you false image you created deludes your intuition from working at all- meaning we trust these people when we really shouldn’t.

 

20 Of The Worst Pick-Up Lines Of All Time

Pickup lines are hard: At worst, they can be mortifying, offensive and creepy; at best, pity-inducing. Yet men still persist in using them for whatever reason. Unless you really know what you’re doing, don’t try to use any of these corny and really stupid, pickup lines.

20That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.

This line is most used when a guy is looking for a booty call.

19- Save water. Shower with me.

Again, another line guys use for a booty call.

18- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

This line was actually used in a cell phone commercial which makes it even worse when guys actually use it on the ladies.

17- Are your legs tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.

Legs. The third body part that guys talk about and focus on when they see a lady that interests them pass by. But if we are going to talk about the pick-up line, this just again focuses on trying to get the booty call without thinking that is how you sound when you use this.

16- I’m trying to rearrange the alphabet so that U and I are together.

This has to be one of the corniest pick-up lines ever!

15- Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it’s just a sparkle.

This line may even make a woman smile, but a smart woman knows what the guy is trying to achieve when this comes out of his mouth.

14- Hey, I lost my phone number … Can I have yours?

This line just shows that guys don’t even hear how dumb they sound when they open their mouths.

13- I lost my teddy bear, can I cuddle with you?

This is a warning that you are near a creepy stalker. Don’t look at him or answer him, just get up and run… and keep running!

12- Kiss me if I’m wrong but dinosaurs still exist right?

Ugh. Another lame line guys used to get any action they can! Seriously the next guy I hear use this needs to get slapped… across the head. You can say that you saw a mosquito.

11- Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?

Can a guy who uses this line be any more obnoxious? I would sarcastically answer, well, my other two wishes are that you go away.

10- Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!

I don’t know why a guy thinks this is a cute and innocent way of flirting with a girl, because it is not. It’s far from being cute and it’s far from being innocent. When a girl says that she is magically delicious, she’s being cute and flirty. But when a guy says it, he just wants to score.

9- So do you believe in love at first sight, or do you want me to walk by again?

Most women still want to believe in love at first sight, but most women aren’t that stupid to believe in a corny line like this.

8- I just noticed you looking at me across the room. I’ll give you a minute to catch your breath!

48% of men actually rely on pickup lines regularly. And this is one of the worst lines that come out of their mouths!

7- I’m gonna have to put you on my “To Do” List!

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And the majority of women cite being overly cocky as their number one turnoff. Use this line and watch her walk away.

6- If I said you have a gorgeous body, would you hold it against me?

It’s 1 A.M., you are at a bar and a drunk guy walks up to you. Chances are that he will spew an insulting line like this one.

5- I was trying to have a guys’ night out and you just totally ruined it by being so cute.

For men, there’s a fear of rejection or looking stupid. Well, if they use this line they have achieved both!

4- Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

This line only works for women. And a recent survey suggests that 95% of guys claim that they like a woman to make the first move.

3- What do you like for breakfast?

Guys think this is cute. I think it’s a booty call. Period.

2 –So, how many kids do you want?

I understand that guys are trying to be creative, instead of flat out just trying to have a normal conversation, but to come out with this line indicates that that guy doesn’t even care about who the woman is, but rather more focused on what she looks like.

1- You don’t need a bodyguard. You need a bootyguard.
The Number rule of trying to get a woman’s phone number: Don’t reference a woman’s booty the first time meeting her especially using a “joke” like this. You may think it’s funny, creative, and complementary. But she may think otherwise.

You don’t have to be a wiseguy to make yourself instantly irresistible. Instead confidence gets the girl. Just be yourself and start a conversation. The first two minutes of any conversation is the indication that you might have something or you’re wasting your time. Once you get her taking, don’t hand a girl your business card. You don’t want an interview, you want a date. And if you use Facebook as a verb, you’ve already lost. If she does give you her phone number, do the unthinkable and call. Don’t text, call. Then you have struck gold.

 

 

Complicated Love – Now Released

complicated love cover

For Immediate Release:

June 15, 2018

Nyack, NY: Author Stephanie Dolce surprised her fans yesterday by releasing a special 3 book preview book called “Complicated Love.”

Complicated Love is a special book of 3 previews of books Author Stephanie Dolce has written, with the exception of the last one, which is a writing in progress. Diary of a Drama Queen is already published and you can find it on Amazon, Lulu and Barnes and Noble. My Tiara Is Giving Me A Headache was a mini-series exclusively on Amazon, which was turned into the novel, “Untouched,” which can be found on Amazon, Lulu, and Barnes and Noble. My Perfect, Imperfect Life is a writing in progress, so in this preview book you get a raw look at the story before the edits, before the design, before the final product. ( It may be written in a script/book)

This book, “Complicated Love,” is an exclusive paperback that can be bought on Lulu.com ONLY.

http://www.stephaniedolce.com

She is on Instagram: Click here

She is on Facebook: Click here

Cyber-stalking: What is it and how to avoid it.

According to Pew Research Center, young women face vastly higher rates of online harassment in two of its most intense, dangerous and emotionally disruptive forms: sexual harassment and stalking.

26% of young women told Pew that they have been stalked online compared to 7% of young men and 25% of women reported that they have been sexually harassed compared to 13% of young men.

“One thing we do know is that women take harassment more seriously than men. 38% of women reported that their harassment was “extremely or very upsetting,” while only 17% of harassed men felt the same. This is perhaps another clue that women are facing more extreme harassment than men.”

I can certainly vouch for those statistics. Being harassed, stalked, and even sexually harassed is easy since all your perpetrator needs these days is a tablet or computer. Cyber-stalking is simply defined as harassing or threatening an individual online while remaining anonymous. This can be done through various social media apps, blogs, photo sharing sites, or email.

In most incidents, the victims’ former partners are usually the ones who are behind cyber-stalking. Especially in cases where there has been abuse, the dominant partner will still want to control his ex-partner even after the relationship has ended. If you are breaking up with an intimate partner – especially if they are abusive, troubled, angry or difficult – reset every single password on all of your accounts, from email and social networking accounts to bank accounts, to something they cannot guess.

Being stalked online is not fun. If you read my book, “Victim No More,” you know how I was single-out by a group of women (yes, grown women) as they tried to pull me part in every different direction all because I wanted to date and was interested in a guy who covers their favorite baseball team for a newspaper. How juvenile. Not only were people still looking at all my profiles even afterwards, but being cyberbullied was no fun either. (That’s a whole different ball game.)

First off, people need to remember that any information you provide on the Internet, even to trusted or popular sites, is potentially susceptible to hackers. Don’t be so open to give out your personal information. You then set yourself up for being stalked in person. Secondly, make changes to your privacy settings across platforms. Be careful to turn off location tracking and tagging in photos.

If you have accounts on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Instagram, and YouTube, for instance, make sure check your privacy settings on each and maximize them across the board. Geotagging automatically shows your location from your smartphone. This can be dangerous because a stalker can know where you are and, more importantly, if you’re at your home or away. Go to the application’s settings on your phone and disable geotagging or location features.

Also, unless you are using social media for business purposes, if you have multiple social media accounts, use a different username for each one. This will help protect your privacy and make things more difficult for a stalker. Also, the most important tip is to to hide your friend’s lists on Facebook. A stalker may try to reach out to a friend of yours in order to get close to you. Your friends or contact list can be managed through your privacy settings.

Stalkers may create a fake account impersonating someone else in hopes of getting close to you. If you get a new friend or follow request, don’t accept it. Delete it or do not click on it. Don’t message them and say, “Who is this?” or, “Do I know you?” as this can open lines of communication with someone who might be your stalker. Don’t interact in any way with your stalker. Whether you know them in your everyday life or you only know of their internet activity, stay away. They might try to escalate the situation or say things they know will upset you or intrigue you in order to get you to respond or write back. Don’t take the bait. Save every form of communication they send you and go to the police. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Google+, YouTube, Instagram all have options to completely block a person or a profile.

Remember, do not blame yourself if you are being stalked – YOU are not causing it.

Diary of A Drama Queen – Announcement

library

Stephanie Dolce is proud to announce her book, “Diary of a Drama Queen,” is now listed in the catalog at the Orangeburg Library in Orangeburg, NY.

To celebrate the original release, the release on Barnes and Noble dot com, and the release in the library, her online book party will be held on her Facebook page May 15th.

For updates check out the Facebook page.

20 Places To Meet Singles

Places to meet singles other than online

How many bad decisions are you gonna make until I become one? ← The way online dating sites should really advertise.” The one question I get a lot is, “What are the other options other than online dating?” So, I researched some places and came up with a list of 20 places to meet singles. The only thing I will warn is, when you meet someone, whether in person or online, never assume that they are single. So, don’t be embarrassed to ask if you aren’t sure.

20 Places to meet singles

1 – Coffee Shops – This is one of the hottest spots to meet people.

2- Bars – The good old bar is still a top place. And today, bars are also becoming restaurant-like, serving food, having DJ’s on Saturday Nights, etc. It’s now a cool place to be.

3- Book Stores/ Book Readings/Libraries – This is also a new upcoming place to meet people. Go and have an intellectual conversation with people, network and see what’s out there.

4- Business Networking Groups- I actually know people who met this way and got married! You can meet business oriented people who also share your interests!

5- Join a Sports League or Coach Youth Sports – I did meet a guy this way.  So yeah it happens.

6- An Art Gallery – If you are into Art and Museums, then you would like ot meet someone with the same interest as you.

7- The Gym – All the buff guys are here! If you dream about being with a guy with Abs like Ryan Gosling, then the gym is your place to meet them. (And the ladies who want to look good naked and who are concerned about their health are here too!)

8- The Movie Theater – This is why is pays to go to th movies alone. Someone can sit next to you and well, the rest is history.

9- Take A Class At A College – A College Campus (Duh!) Take a class and you’ll learn some new knowledge and meet some really cute new people too!

10- The Park- A great place to meet people is not only a people park but also a dog park. Just bring a dog with you to the dog park or you’ll really stand out.

11- Go On Vacation – Taking a solo vacation has it’s pluses and one of them is the fact that you will be able to socialize without your friends embarrassing the heck out of you!

12- Take A Cooking Class- This is a great idea for the guys.

13- Zumba – You could learn some new dance moves plus get fit!

14- A Concert – Now, no one likes to go to a concert alone, but even if you are with friends, you can still meet people.

15- Flea Market or Street Fair- A lot of people go to street fairs each year. It’s a great time plus you are outdoors, and you could meet some fun people!

16- The Grocery Store – Yes, the grocery store. It really is a “meat” market.

17- 5K or Marathon Races- Not only will you meet some people who want to stay in shape, enjoy being outside, but you can meet some good looking folks who have passion, because being a runner is all about that: passion.

18- Join a Political Campaign- If politics are your thing, then branch out.

19- The Laundromat- Yes, this is still a great place to meet singles.

20- Chuck- E- Cheese or other Kids Places Yes, you read that right. If you want to date single dads or single moms, this is the place. The only thing I would tell you would be to make sure you actually BRING a kid to this place, like a nephew, niece, or a friend’s kid. (You don’t want to look like you are a predator)

The point is, all I hear are single people complaining, “There are no singles out there, and the only option is online dating!” When that is full of crap! There are MANY decent guys and sweet gals to meet out there, but if all you are doing is complaining, maybe the truth is that you don’t want a relationship. Which is okay. But don’t be afraid to tell your friends and family that as well.

You can meet anyone, at anytime, anywhere. That is the point. Life is happening as you read this. If you keep looking back at the one who doesn’t deserve you, you may miss the one you deserve. Don’t just look for someone to “hang out with” or “just have fun with,” look for that person who is going to make you want to be a better person. Someone who you feel that connection with and someone who you aren’t afraid to be yourself around because they accept your flaws, dreams, mistakes, and everything in between. If you actually put forth the effort to physically meet people, good things can happen. Life isn’t about waiting for the “perfect” time, it’s about taking that risk now. Life is short, let’s all make the best if it.

The Nice Girl/Guy Syndrome

The worst thing you can hear when someone tries to set you up with someone is, “He’s such a nice guy!,” or “She’s really a nice girl.”  The first thing that comes to mind is if he’s (she’s) such a nice guy (girl) why are they still single? The next thing that comes to mind is, “Will I be attracted to him (her)? Do we have anything in common besides being nice?”

Yes,  I have been set up with guys who were “nice” but being “nice” just doesn’t cut it as a reason why I should date someone or let alone meet someone.  I need to first be attracted to him and then I need to have some common interests; reasons for me to pursue a relationship. It’s a total waste of time to date or meet someone because they are described as, “nice.”  The weather is nice, my new shoes are nice, and even enjoying a lazy Sunday alone is nice.  People need to be more than just nice.  I hate when people say, ”He’s a nice person once you get to know him.” They might as well just say, ”He’s a dickhead but you’ll get used to it.”

Do you know how many times I hear guys say, ““I’m just a nice guy. Seems like women these days don’t appreciate that. They rather date assholes instead of giving a nice guy like me a shot.”  My response is usually, “Why do you need to be so whiny?”  Being nice doesn’t make you ultimately entitled to dating me or anyone else for that matter.   That behavior doesn’t make you earn the right to date me.  Everyone should be nice to each other. That’s a concept that society never has taken to heart.

Most of these so-called “nice guys” are angry SOB’s. They are angry because they have been rejected one too many times and have the perpetual inability to attract the women they’re interested in.  These “nice guys” have become less appealing to a potential partner. That’s not to say that women aren’t attracted to, “the bad boys,” which usually is the comparative to a “nice guy.”  This is the guilt trip that most “nice guys” try and play against you to get you to date them, because according to them, “Life isn’t fair and we always pass them over for the bad boy.”

Here’s the kicker: Nice guys lie, cheat and can treat you like crap just as bad boys can.  Being nice means nothing. Now, being respectful is a totally different subject. I hate to be a downer, but the “good guy” isn’t the magic bad-boyfriend remedy most women might think he is. Been there, done that! 

So when someone says to me, “You are such a nice girl, I can’t believe that you are still single.” After I roll my eyes, let me tell you why I still am single; because I choose to be. I have been labeled as the nice girl my entire life.  Sometimes that is a killer. Why? Because when it comes down to actually telling someone how I feel and I bluntly tell them, I am seen as someone who  probably just “snapped,” or I am “overwhelmed.” How can a nice person be so sassy and sarcastic?  Don’t get me wrong, I am kind to others, respectful to others, but in the dating world, I hate being seen as just a “nice girl.”

But as I have grown up and really, “grown” these past few years I realize that I am a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need to rely on a man for anything. I can make my own money, make my own choices and also make my world the best world it can be. I am not desperate for attention, desperate for love and not desperate to be a plus one that I know not to settle for less than I want and I deserve.

It sucks being seen as the “nice one,”  but it’s better to be nice to yourself first and foremost.  At the end of the day, I am the one who lives with how my life has played out. Why would I want to change that simply to just change it?  “I’m single as a dollar and I’m not looking for change.”