Why Women Should Enjoy Having Orgasms As Much As Men Do


Double standards with dating are everywhere and there’s a study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine that claims women don’t really have orgasms but instead squirt out a little pee. I’m here to debunk that.

For women, orgasms don’t come as easy as with men, but women can and should enjoy them as much as men do.

Orgasms Can Relieve Pain: There is some evidence that suggests orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain—including pain from arthritis, pain after surgery and even pain during childbirth.

Condom Use Doesn’t Affect Orgasm Quality: Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom, dispelling myths that condoms don’t make for good sex. Condoms are good for SAFE sex and are 97% effective in stopping pregnancy.

30% of Women Have Trouble Reaching Orgasm: One in three women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. So a study that was done on only seven women and said that women don’t orgasm — they pee — is ridiculous! Now, women can’t orgasm from intercourse alone, so guys, if you really want to see a woman literally “lose control,” you better work.

Here are 15 ways to help women achieve the Big O:

1- Finding Your G-spot May Improve the Likelihood of Orgasm- Yes, the G-spot is important in having an orgasm — it’s that simple. (Regardless of those who say it doesn’t exist).

2- Foreplay Isn’t Optional as Far as Your Orgasm is Concerned- It takes 10-20 minutes of stimulation for the average woman to reach her peak so the more kissing and caressing you do, the better.

3- Oral is One of the Best Ways to Get Off- 80 percent of women have difficulty from having an orgasm on vaginal sex alone. If you really want to kick it up a notch, oral sex will do it. Most women can orgasm from masturbation, but not everyone comes during sex.

4- Masturbation- Women are so embarrassed to admit that they masturbate when the males in our lives aren’t. We’re looked at as “freaks” when we even admit to it, but it’s the easiest way for women to hit the big O. And the more you do it, the better.

5- Kegel Exercises- Doing your Kegel exercises flexes the muscles that stop urination. Do 10 reps, holding each rep for 10 seconds, twice a day while you’re watching TV or doing just about anything.

6-It’s All in the Noise : Low-pitched noises bring them down to…well, down there. So actually, the louder you are the longer it will take for you to orgasm.

7-Relationship O: Women in relationships tend to climax a higher percentage of the time during sex than women who are just hooking up.

8- Happy Place: Not only is the G-spot important, but for some women, stimulation of the nipples and breasts can increase the likelihood of having an orgasm and increase its intensity.

9- The Big O and Your Age: Sixty-five percent of women in their 30s and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s orgasm more often than those in their 20s.

Oh, Baby: Orgasms may boost the chance of getting pregnant.

10- Burn, Baby, Burn: An orgasm burns just 2–3 calories, though a person can burn around 50 calories in the activity leading up to the orgasm.

11- It’s More About Cuddling: When a woman orgasms, her body produces four times the normal amount of oxytocin, the chemical that stimulates bonding.

12- Turn It On: A 2007 study found that straight women were aroused by watching films of both men and women having sex.

13- Toys For Pleasure: At the start of the 20th Century, the first electric home vibrators hit the market before many other household ‘essentials’

14- Eat it Up: Eating certain foods can boost your orgasm odds. Foods low in carbohydrates and high in protein: dairy, eggs, poultry and select meat and fish for example, work to raise free testosterone. (Yes, women are sexually controlled due to testosterone, not men.) Also, eating a little dark chocolate releases sexual desire in women as well.

15- Want More: Want more orgasms? Then switch stimulation techniques. If you’ve just reached orgasm through clitoral stimulation, try penetration to continue the sensations. Or vice versa.

Everyone’s body response is different. We’re unique, our reactions vary, and most importantly, not everyone is a dramatic and loud, as you see in movies. Orgasms are about being comfortable with your partner and communicating with your partner about what you like and don’t like. This is key to everything about relationships.

You can read more in my best selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd” and in the upcoming follow up being released some time in 2020.


Relationship Ramblings

Men always say they can’t find a good woman, but when they do, they don’t know what to do with her.

I can say this from personal experience and also from the numerous stories women have told me about their dating experiences.

For starters, why guys think it’s okay to date two women at the same time, without each of them knowing about the other one, I will never understand! Um, guys, I hate to burst your bubble on this but, we ALWAYS find the truth out. Never doubt a woman will find out because we do better work than the FBI.

Which takes me to the fact that I have had to deal with guys pretending to be women online so they can spy on how I am doing. Yes, that sounds so pathetic, doesn’t it? But it has happened to me more than once! Guys that I have dated or guys that I have been interested in, have turned to “the dark side,” just to see if I still care for them or who I am with, by either pretending to be a woman or getting a woman they know to befriend me on social media. So here’s a tip for all your ladies out there: If a “woman” befriends you on social media out of the blue based on something you have posted and the conversation gets really personal by them initiating it, then somehow during the conversation they tell you, “… but don’t mention my name,” or “Don’t tell them I said it,” then you know there’s something up with that. When the person who initiates the conversation is now being secretive, you know that “woman” is really either A) a friend of the guy, or B) the guy pretending to be a woman. And I laugh, because guys can’t even talk like women do, which is a dead giveaway. Guys talk the same online as they do in person. They aren’t that good of an actor. What do I do when this happens? I just play along until I have had enough. They want a game, you might as well as give them one.

But do guys know what women really want? Here are a few things:

1- Every woman just wants to know that no matter the circumstances, she is worth it to you.

2- Sorry isn’t a verb. Don’t expect it to do things for you. Don’t say it unless you mean it. And if you meant it, be ready to prove it.

3- Men need to stop calling other women beautiful, if they can’t even tell their own woman that she’s beautiful.

4Ignore us, it’s cool. But when we move on don’t say crap.

5- Don’t ever leave something good to find something better, cause once you realize you had the best, the best has found better. Remember, if you leave her without a reason, don’t ever come back with an excuse.

But here’s something that men and women both need to remember when it comes to relationships:
1- If you carry the bricks from your past relationship(s) to the new one you will build the same house.

2- Someone who truly loves you will be angry at you for so many things, but will always stick around.

Sometimes you need to just forget logic and reasoning and just follow your emotions and feelings. Sure its scary but remember, all the fun rides usually are.

Facebook Enters The Love Game

Facebook is in it for love and they want you in it with them. So how does it work?

Dating is now integrated with Facebook groups and events. If people in a group you’re in have created Dating profiles or if they’re planning to attend the same Facebook events, they might show up in your matches. Facebook Dating is free and contains no ads or in-app purchases. Your Facebook Dating profile will be separate from your main one, but it will tap existing features such as events and groups, as well as your network of friends to identify “secret crushes.” ( Which is a bad, bad idea!)

Facebook Dating won’t suggest your friends as people you might want to date. Your dating profile also won’t show up on your news feed or be visible to friends; it’s only for others using the dating service. Facebook insists it won’t use information gleaned from your dating profiles for advertising and says there won’t be ads on Facebook Dating. ( Can we really trust this?)
To prevent unwanted messages, photos and spam, Facebook Dating lets you message someone just once unless you get a response. Facebook also won’t allow lonely hearts – or creeps – to send photos or website links, which could help cut down on unsolicited body-part photos.

There were initially rumblings that the dating feature might be open only to people who list themselves as “single” and not those who are “married” or “in a relationship.” But Facebook has said this is not the case. After all, people often don’t keep their relationship status up to date or don’t use it in a serious way.

Facebook is telling users to keep your identity private which includes your last name and your actual profile you have on Facebook. They also are warning people that folks may misrepresent themselves and their intentions in their dating profile and this could lead to harassment or harm if you decide to meet them in person.

This is just another bad option for dating. People don’t trust Facebook when it comes to privacy, but they are going to trust Facebook looking for love? And why not found out the last name of someone that you meet online? How are you going to be able to keep yourself safe if you don’t know who you are dealing with?

When are people going to LEARN that EVERY dating site is a cesspool filled with criminals, pedophiles, and scammers. If you really want a relationship step away from your devices and into the real world . Using dating sites doesn’t allow you to use your intuition and folks are going based on the profile that someone wrote up- which is filled with lies!

Facebook is just in this for the money- they don’t care about you “finding love” – stop believing that fairy-tale that love is on these sites. The only thing you are mostly  to find are STDs and hookups.

Yes, You Can Lose Weight Eating This!

If you have been on Facebook lately, you may have come across an article that claims that if you eat chocolate cake, you can lose weight. Usually, every time you see stuff like this on Facebook, it’s not true.   According to a scientific study done by the University of Tel Aviv, eating chocolate cake could actually help you on your weight loss quest, so long as you don’t to go over the 600 calories portion and you remember to balance this with carbohydrates and proteins.

I saw this and I was curious to see if this could actually work.  According to the study, our metabolism is much more active in the morning, which is why our body is more able to burn calories early in the day. Best of all, by eating chocolate cake as part of your breakfast, you will avoid having cravings all day long.  It sounds too good to be true.

On August 1st, I decided to start my experiment by just eating a normal size portion of chocolate cake.  Now, you can pretty much eat chocolate cupcakes, chocolate whoopie pies, donuts, or cake. You can make your own or but store bought. The only thing I did when I bought store made cake was check the calories, fat, sugar and carb content so I chose the ones with the least in each category.

I ate my cake either at 6:30am before I worked out by 10am each morning. The ONLY thing I had for breakfast was my usual cup of coffee, a glass of water after I worked out and my piece of cake.   Now, you HAVE to work out…. there’s no way around this. I usually work out by doing my cheerleading warm ups, yoga stretching, and, stairs, walking 2 miles.  I do this at least 5 days a week.   I would then eat a healthy snack later on in the morning if I got hungry, but for the most part, I was full all the way until lunch. I also drank water, so that is also making my stomach believe it’s full.

Today it’s August 22nd and I am happy to report that I lost 5 pounds and about 1 inch on my waistline.

This is NOT considered a diet. This was just a happy study to use as an experiment.A serious diet contains much more.  But I will say, instead of doing those shake diets to lose 5 pounds, I would consider doing this instead. As always with every diet, it involves exercise. Please always be careful with what exercise program you participate in and always do your research before trying any type of diet.

If you would like my chocolate cake recipe, please follow my page, Clever Cakes, and look for my upcoming recipe book, “Love at First Bite,” being released this September.


Love at First cover revised 3-12-19





Younger Man, Older Woman, Why Not?

Dating double standards are ridiculous.

The one that still stands out is that men are celebrated from dating a younger woman, but when the opposite happens, holy cow! Recently I read a tweet from a woman on Twitter questioning if it’s okay for her to date a younger man. Wait, what? You are asking permission from strangers if it’s okay to date a younger man? What is this world that we live in!

For women seeking men, though, old-fashioned gendered ideas around age still persist for many. So what are the pros and what the cons for this dating dilemma?

Asking women this question here are the top reasons why older women ( And by older we mean over 35 dating men in their 20s) want to date younger men:

Sarah: I find that younger guys are so much faster to have the ‘what are we’ conversation.

Jane: Younger men tend to have higher sex drives, And as women, our sex drives tend to peak in our 40s.

Cindy: Younger guys are just less complicated and a lot more fun. Older guys have been in long-term relationships, and some of them are even divorced. They have really complicated commitment issues.

Now here are some guys who tell me their reasons for wanting to date an older woman:

Joe: Honestly, they’re so much more emotionally and mature, not as insecure, and our conversations are incredible.

Tim: I am attracted to older women because they’re often more confident and authentic than the younger girls my age. They are the real-deal, so to speak.

Peter: The mature woman focuses less on trying to win me over and focuses more on enjoying my company. There are no “love games.”

Women want to date a man who will become a partner, not a project. We don’t need to “mama him” to death, and we don’t want a guy who plays games either. Most older guys come with baggage; and a lot of it. They constantly talk about previous relationships and why they didn’t commit, blah, blah, blah. Younger guys don’t come with all that garbage and they aren’t trying to sell you the reason you should give me a chance either. – They are confident, not insecure.

Here are a few Pros to a woman dating a younger man:

A younger man has more energy and is more willing to try things than his older counterparts. In turn, doing new things increases dopamine in the brain, triggering a desire to spend more time together and assisting in lighting your sexual fire. The pro: A longer span of time before he’s reaching for the Viagra.

Not only is there fire in the bedroom, but he’ll come up with creative date ideas that bring back romance and make you feel empowered and appreciated.

Less baggage many also mean he lacks experience with communicating. So, be selective about your battles and learn to compromise on things that aren’t vital to your relationship.

Cons (Depends on how you feel)

Younger guys like to hang out with their peers more often than older men. So be prepared to share him with his friends.

The reality is that your biological clock may be ticking away while his isn’t even be turned on. It might be years before he decides that he wants a family and then what? (This depends on how you both feel about kids- remember though, there is a thing called adoption as well.)

He may prefer texting you over calling you and he may get jealous faster seeing you talk to all the men you may know from your past or even your job.

Conclusively, If both parties are open to dating, you might have a blast with each other.. And it is entirely possible that you could fall in love with each other and have a long and happy relationship.

Because, as they say, age ain’t nothin’ but a number. You need to focus on finding the partner that is your perfect fit, regardless of age. ( Note: Legally over 18)



My Ode To Twitter

Twitter is certainly an interesting beast to say the least.

You either will find great conversation, people bashing other people, athletes that get themselves into hot water and whom don’t interact with fans, and also people who aren’t too bright.

In this day in age, you’d have to be living under a rock to know that social media is filled to the brim with scammers, losers, guys looking to hook up, and even criminals.  If you aren’t careful, they will find you,  try to sweet talk you into believing that they are harmless, and then when you least expect it, pounce on the opportunity and take whatever they can get from you!

Social media can be a dark place, but it also can be a place where you can shine.

First off, let’s talk about the GOOD stuff you can find on Twitter.  You can network very easily with folks in your niche. You can get folks to buy your product, service, and read your blogs and books.  You can also find great conversation too!  Now, all conversation should stay on the platform and never go into DMs ( unless that account is verified!)

DMS are the dark place – especially with guys who lurk on the site for their next victim. It’s really disgusting when a guy sends a girl (woman) a picture of his junk and thinks it’s a turn on! Um, from 1 to 10 you are a no, a never, and a someone who will get blocked immediately.  Not only that, you will get reported for doing that.  Why guys think that’s a way to get a girl (woman) interested in him, is beyond me!

Secondly, constantly hounding a girl (woman) to talk “Privately” is a Red Flag!  Why do I need to talk privately with you? Why can’t you talk through tweeting me? A guy and a girl can get to know each other by asking general questions through tweets?  Where are you from? What’s your favorite vacation spot?  What do you like to do when you have free time? Etc….  There are MANY questions you can ask as well as having conversation about whatever they are tweeting about.  Then maybe the conversation will naturally move to DMS if both parties feel safe enough to move it there.  And it’s really not smart to tweet to someone that you wish no harm on them or that they can trust you. Um, nope. That’s not a good sign that you have good intentions.

Also, anyone who asks you for money in a DM is spamming you.  Report those immediately.

Now, let’s talk about athletes on Twitter.

Athletes show me time and time again, that they really don’t “get” the power of social media and what it truly is good for. They either tweet the stupidest of things like; rap lyrics, content that is created for their brand that really has no purpose, telling everyone they have “moved on” from a situation when in fact they haven’t, responding to the press in a tweet that makes no sense, social issues, RTing crap, or my favorite, other celebrities and athletes.

These athletes don’t release the power of the platform. They all “claim” that they have a platform, but they misuse it every single time.

Social media is possibly one of the most powerful tools of the 21st century.  Social media provides an avenue for athletes to not only engage with fans, but also influence them with the right content that helps fans make a decision. It’s also a great way to highlight inspirational stories and get people pumped up!  Too bad they don’t know this and they listen to their agents, PR folks and other people in their camps on what to post and those people are not educated on this topic at all!

Then you have examples after examples of what NOT to do on social media which I stated time and time again in my book, “Victim No More.”  But just in case you haven’t read it here are a few examples:

1-Comedian Gilbert Gottfried, voice of the Aflac duck, made some jokes about the Japanese tsunami over Twitter. He said, “Japan is really advanced. They don’t go to the beach. The beach comes to them.”  Aflac is the largest insurance company in Japan. Gottfried was fired.

2-Nicole Crowther was a recurring extra on Glee until she tweeted some plot spoilers she had heard on set. She was more or less fired via Twitter by the show’s producer, Brad Falchuk, who tweeted in response: “Hope you’re qualified to do something besides work in entertainment.”

3- Toronto-based sportscaster Damian Goddard was fired for tweeting his opinion on same-sex marriage. Hockey agent Todd Reynolds had criticized Rangers forward Sean Avery for publicly supporting the cause. Tweeted Goddard, “I completely and wholeheartedly support Todd Reynolds and his support for the traditional and TRUE meaning of marriage.”

Now, we have many other examples that have happened over this past year, but yesterday MLB reporter, Andy Martino, tweets: “After all the fluffy HOF stuff, it’s good to have on record that Rivera, man of faith, doesn’t consider these and other acts political dealbreakers: —- children sleeping in cages — making fun of a handicapped person — multiple accusations of rape Now we know where he stands.”  

Seriously, he HAD to go there? He had to tweet POLITICS and combine that with a NY Legend who has done NOTHING outlashed while he was a New York Yankee and even now as a retired Hall of Famer.  Why are folks so stupid to put their political views out there on social media when they are clearly on a platform they use for work?

If you notice, people only love free speech when you agree with them. Once you are on the other side, it’s no longer about free speech.

The best two responses are from this fan: “Mariano Rivera has been in the public sphere for two decades and has never been outspoken politically. This is likely because he’s too busy building churches and homes for impoverished children in Panama with his bare hands, and volunteering his time as a pastor in New Rochelle.

And this fan: “I’m sure you don’t care but for the record this is the thing that will finally make me unfollow you. You’re entitled to your political opinion & free to express it but I prefer not to watch you shame an all time player & by all accounts a really good person over his opinion.

Andy Martino, like the rest of the social media warriors, has not responded to these responses but am I surprised? The internet: turning cowards into tough guys daily.


Create Your Own Fireworks July 4th

It’s really not rocket science to turn a woman on and let her know that you are interested in her. Men for some reason think that it’s so hard to “read” us, when really, it’s not. We give you guys cues, whether or not you pick up on them is all on you!

So if you plan on going to any July Fourth picnics or events and you see a woman you know and want to approach her, or you see a woman you don’t know and want to approach her; here are all cues laid out for you in black and white.

First and foremost, texting and calling us back is a turn on.  Also responding to our social media messages is a turn on as well.

But what you guys don’t realize is that when you stop texting us we know that you are already emotionally hooked, so there’s no reason NOT to text back, you know, unless you want to be seen as a jerk, then sure, stop texting and calling us! It’s only your reputation you’re hurting, not ours. So if you text a woman you know already and want to be more than just friends, keep at it. Also, if you meet a woman on social media and want to keep getting to know her; respond to every message she sends you!

You are out with your buddies and see a woman you would like to approach. Here’s a cue: When you are staring at a woman or you just finished saying hi to her, and she starts to bite her lip, she is turned on by you and she is debating what move to make next.

Here are other cues that you have peaked a woman’s interest in her:

1) When a woman starts “fixing” her bra, you sir, have turned her on.

2) Sometimes, yes sometimes, us women can be brought speechless. This usually happens when we really, really, like a guy. And when we’re in the mist of flirting, sometimes it seems as if we are not interested when we really are freaking out and trying to quickly think of something witty and sexy to say. So the next time there is dead silence, it’s just a woman trying to figure out what to say next.

3) If she sits diagonally from you or across from you at the room, her torso is facing you in an open manner, or her shoulders and hips are facing you. Either of these signs may mean she likes you. When she is sitting and she has her legs crossed, watch her feet, if its pointed towards you, it might mean that she likes you and wants to get closer to you.

4) Whenever a woman plays with her jewelry when you are around, (necklace, rings, bracelet) she is nervously turned on by you and wants you to come over to her. Whenever she fidgets while staring at you, she is hoping that will get your attention.

5) We know that you guys spy on us on social media, so we are always one step ahead of you by posting pictures of ourselves either alone or with friends when we look amazing. We know how to play the game, and getting you jealous or curious about us, is how we do it. Also, getting compliments makes us feel good about ourselves. So , hint, hint.

Now, those cues are for mostly women you meet when you are out and about. The following are cues for women that you already know and are “friends” with her.

1) When you kiss our foreheads, hands, cheek, in a loving way, we know that you are trying to hide how you truly feel for us. But when you plant one on the lips, and it’s a soft kiss, that just takes our breath away.

2) Even if you hold my hand for 5 seconds, and I am attracted to you, I’m yours. Touch my arms, leg, be flirty while we talk and you got me!

3) Sometimes you guys are so stupid! If you see me hanging out in the same place as you, don’t wait for me to come over and say hi, make a move and say hello. If you see me wearing something that you really like, say it! Notice me and throw a compliment my way, you’ll score big points.

4) In general, a lot of guys make the mistake of bailing on the conversation too early.  BUT, when a woman is making an effort to talk to you and try to keep the conversation going, she’s interested: BIG time.

Theses are the things you can do to fuel that spark and then keep the fireworks from burning out. Keeping the fireworks alive past July 4th, is not that hard, really.  A date doesn’t mean you have to go out and get dolled up every single time; it can be something as simple as taking a walk around your town, ordering pizza in and watching a movie, lighting candles instead of the turning on the lamp near the TV,  and so forth.   We don’t need you to take us to the most expensive restaurant in town. Sometimes just going out for breakfast on the weekends is a very sweet gesture and is something that totally turns us on.

Finally,  if it’s passion that you are craving for this July Fourth, you aren’t alone. Passion makes life good. It’s the essence of experiencing a fire within you! .  Passion is the energy that keeps us going, that keeps us filled with love, excitement, and anticipation.  If you want to feel more passion in your life, then you have to become passionate. Passionate people tend to attract other passionate people. There are fireworks all within us, we just need to take the time to let them out, and this summer is a great time to do that.  If you’re with the right person and the passion goes from a flaming fire to a slow, burning love, it can last a lifetime.


Every Summer Has A Story

Its that time of year again when I am reminded that, “”In every girl’s life, there’s a boy she’ll never forget & a summer when it all began.” Love may start in Spring, but it evolves in Summer.

For me, I can remember way back when to the first summer love I had, in fifth grade. His name was Michael. He was the new boy in class and at first I did not like him at all. (Love/Hate relationships are always intense) He would drive me absolutely crazy by constantly shaking his pen when it ran out of ink. (Like shaking your pen is going to help!) So I came up with an idea to write him a note and tell him just how annoying he truly was. The only problem was that his older cousin was in eighth grade and when she found out that I wrote him a note and told him that if he didn’t stop it, I was going to then throw my pen at him, she kindly told me to cut it out.

And that is when the romance began.

We got to know each other so much so that he even sang to me at lunch one of those inappropriate George Michael songs. Once June came around and school was out, that is when our romance really took off. He would call me and we would hang out, but sadly like every fling, things ended the following year. Okay, so that is not necessarily a summer romance, and yeah, I was eleven, but its got to start somewhere for everyone.

Years later, when I was a junior going to be a senior in high school, that is when another “Mike” came into the picture. He was one year older than me and would visit his best friend who lived near me. That is when I came up with a dance group with all the girls that lived in my neighborhood and they danced my choreography that I created to all the hot songs of the 90’s. He would sit in his car and watch. When I would walk by his car he would stare and smile at me, and I literally felt like I was going to melt!

This particular story brings up even more memories that I won’t get into now, but trust me, some of those memories I am fond of while others are heartbreaking.

So what is the deal with summer, romance, flings, and love?

The summer time is when love seems to rear its head and capture our imagination. During the summer, we feel free, we feel the promise of being able to forget what has happened so far and the promise of starting over. Its a time when also, people want to show off all the winter weight they have lost, so people are actually more attractive in the summer then any other season.

The other reason why the summer time brings out the beast called love is because we get to meet people we never have seen before. Do you all remember the movie, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” and ho she met her fling, turned romance while on vacation? (Yes, its just a movie, but it does really happen!) We are more open to being impulsive, the sunshine is also brighter, we are happier, and the chance of turning a hot day into a steamy night is greater.

Ever hear the saying, “Live it up?” During the summer, that is mostly everyone’s motto.

So how can you have a summer fling turned romance?

A- Get a Summer Job – Work at a camp, beach, pool, etc. You will get to see these people everyday so it will be easier to get to know them and have them get to know you.

B- Become a visitor of a beach or pool – You don’t necessarily need to be a worker instead you can be a visitor and get to go on the prowl in your bikini or suit. Strut your stuff!

C- Volunteer – Find a place that fits your personality and you’ll surround yourself with similar people. What a better way to not only help others but also surround yourself with like-minded people.

D- Hang out with friends- Summer time is usually the time when you get introduced to friends of friends, people who you normally don’t see on an everyday basis. What could be better than shooting the breeze with someone your friends know? This is so much better than exposing yourself on those dating sites.

E- Go on vacation- Go somewhere you never have been before or even if you go to a place you love, you will be surrounded by new people and have a chance to have conversation and make googly faces at strangers. Or you will get lucky and see familiar faces from previous summers and maybe a spark will lit underneath them and a romance will begin.

If you really want the summer fling to last and turn it into the romance of your year or ultimately the one you end up with forever, the two things you need to remember are:

You need to express how you feel. There seems to be some unwritten rule that says summer flings have an expiration date and that we just assume the romance needs to be over with. But if you don’t ask or tell the person how you feel, you may actually be letting go of the person you were meant to be with forever!

The second thing you need to do is include him/her into your everyday after-summer- is -over life. He/She needs to see you, talk to you,when the beach days are over with and the colder weather starts to creep on in. But lets not dwell on this yet, for the summer is only starting and the promise of fairytale romance is in the air!

Two cheers to the summer and the potential of remembering a summer that began with a look, a smile, and a kiss.

Exciting News

I am one of the founders of Vocal+ – and will be writing a weekly blog there as well as still here! My first piece is the following: Here are 5 Reasons WHY you are  Still Single 
You can click on still single and you will be taken directly to the article.  I will be giving some exclusives on my follow up to my best-selling book, “Hello Love, Where’s Cupid? 2nd ed” on Vocal+
I also will be writing about the book here- and I will be holding a contest for the naming the title of the book here!
Stay Tuned!

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

“They say breaking up is hard to do,” sings Neil Sedaka, and I can tell you, he’s certainly correct on that! Breaking up any relationship is hard to do, especially when you have been with a person for so many years. But what happens if you are no longer happy? Should you just stay with that person because you are comfortable and afraid of being alone or should you just continue to be miserable and pass up any chance to be happy?

Its one thing to be in a relationship that is fulfilling it’s another to be in the relationship, “just because.” If after so many years you realize that you no longer have the same feelings for this person as you did when you met, you no longer are attracted to this person, or for other circumstances like cheating, lying and abuse, you need to leave this relationship. It’s one thing to love another person, but being in love with another person is an entire different ballgame. I know couples that broke up simply because they were not in love with each other anymore and they wanted to be happy with someone else.

That is where the attraction to someone else goes hand in hand. When you fall in love with someone you feel the chemistry between each other, where as, when you just love someone there really isn’t too much chemistry that attracts you to want to be with the person. You may indeed love him or her, but you don’t feel compelled to want to spend every waking moment with this person.

I have heard stories of people breaking up because they feel as if the other party just doesn’t understand them or is in the relationship because it “benefits” the other person. My question is simply this: Why would you want to be with a person who just doesn’t understand you, doesn’t want anything to really do with you, and is only with you because it benefits them one way or another? Its true that we get very comfortable in relationships that last years, even months. Sometimes we get way too comfortable which then makes it even harder to do what we know in our heart we need to do, but we can’t bring ourselves to do it. Then there are the relationships where one party lies, cheats, or worse off abuses the other person either physically, emotionally, or mentally. Anyone who abuses another person is simply a bully- period. They have such lack of respect for human life but they also have very low self-esteem. That is one of the reason they are abusive.

Just like bullies on the playground, people with a lack of self-esteem often terrorize someone who has self-esteem. Jealousy is often one of the other reasons why the bully picks on a person. The bully gets self-esteem through terrorizing his/her victim. They make this person somehow eventually believe that they are worthless, incompetent, and rejected. Not only is it a power trip for the bully but they are also gaining negative self-esteem by taking away your positive self-esteem. And to most people, this is the hardest relationship to get out of. People often argue that the victim “enjoys” being abused, but that is far from the truth. The truth is they feel they have nowhere to turn and also feel embarrassed as to what has been going on. They feel as if they will be judged, as if they caused their partner to be abusive. This can’t be further from the truth. Sometimes they don’t want to believe that the person whom they have loved would want to hurt them. They feel as if other people are jealous of their relationship. But once they can see through all the fog, they realize they deserve better, that they are worthy of love and respect they made a play to leave the relationship. Its also important to know that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but it actually shows that you have courage to stand up for yourself.

In conclusion, for the most part, we don’t enjoy hurting someone’s feelings. And telling someone that we no longer love him or her the same way when we first met is not easy. But when we feel in our heart that we no longer love this person, it’s not fair to ourselves, and its not fair to the other person. No one wants to live a lie. But no one wants to be forced into a relationship either. Breaking up isn’t meant to be easy, but all the tough decisions we make in life aren’t easy, but in the end if we find ourselves happy, making the tough choices in the end are worth it.